Archive of a Breast Cancer Survivor
11.05.05
An Examination with the Oncologist
I visited my oncologist today for a brief examination. She asked how I was
doing, how were the hot flashes? I explained I was seeing an acupuncturist
to help curb the night-sweats which have been very difficult over the last
six months. She asked, “…what does the treatment entail? Where
do the needles go? Do you feel a difference?” I explaining the multiple
needles used and how I can actually sleep at night without having to get up
at 3 A.M. to change my sheets and that this alternative treatment has been
a reprieve from the instant aging brought on by the chemotherapy. She did not
seem impressed with the results and was more concerned with the sterility of
the needles. I was hoping for a different dialogue, one that would bring us
closer. With that said I could have asked her to explain what it means to age.
Explain why, within months, my body does not function in the same way it always
has. Explain to me how to be at peace with this process. Explain to me how
to embrace the coming of a new dawn. Explain all the things you cannot explain
because they are so intangible, this newness, this aging, the instant process
brought on by a single tumor, now eradicated. It’s the little things,
that make a difference. Little needles. Between the eyes. Hold me sharp by
my wrists. I’m all yours.