Archive of a Breast Cancer Survivor
04.21.06
Grandeur: 1. The Quality of Being Magnificent or Splendid or Grand
Today is the day I have come full circle. Today is the day one year ago that
I completed chemotherapy. And how has that time been spent? Gracefully I say.
Life has traveled through undulations of grandeur, dodging the deep pockets
of all that has been handed to me on a golden platter: chemical recovery, emotional
fallout, a compromised immune system, hot flashes, growing out my hair, and
finally the surgery of reconstructing my female self. It has not been easy,
and still today, it is not easy.
My daily dose of Tamoxifen is my reminder of survival. With every swallow
I
think of where I have been and where I am going. I see the complexity of
survival as being such an important issue. How do we, the many out there,
make sense of our survivorship without feeling like we are lucky for being
just where we are: walking the earth and not buried beneath the ground. You
know what—I
worked hard. I worked hard to be where I am. I lived connected to needles
and tubes and bright pink chemicals for months so that I could be here today.
I worked hard in my undertow for reality. It was the most real and difficult
journey. And you were there with me.
Grace. That is what I call surviving. Grace. Can it be any more poetic than
that?
It is beautiful and painful and bitter. It is the wind beneath my fingers
moving slightly and magnificently. It is what gives me faith that I am the
spirit of all my being. So thank you for being a part of my path. Thank you
for the support and all that you continue to say and do to move me as my
friend(s). It is the grandeur of my life that makes knowing you the meaning
behind all that has come before, and all that will come after.
This will be my last entry on the Survivor Blog. I am finished. And I am complete, at least I feel I am. Now it’s time to be in health and in love and in gratitude. To be at another level. It’s time to move. Move. The wind beneath.