Archive of a Breast Cancer Survivor
03.23.05
Peso the Sleep Assistant
There are days that are good and days that are not. Taxol makes the first five
days
of the chemo application extremely difficult. It’s painful to move, and
frankly I don’t want to. I would rather sleep as long as I can so time
compresses and the visitation of evening comes more quickly than anticipated.
On this day I spent the afternoon sleeping on Darren’s couch with Peso
propped in the crook of my side. His sweet breathing rose and fell with the
cadence of my own, and somehow it was more than comforting. Animals know and
they watch over you like silent Pharaohs guarding the entrance of the soul.
Like my own dog, Peso must smell the pungent chemicals leaking from my skin.
His silent watch is more than I can bear at times—looking at me with
his full eyes. So instead we sleep together and lull ourselves with the full
moon, the tides counting the rhythm of each breath as I continue to count the
days until this ritual is no more.