Archive of a Breast Cancer Survivor
03.02.05
Visiting the Oncologist
I experienced my first hot flash yesterday. At first I thought the heat was
turned up in the room. My face was flushed and my body hot. Really hot. Was
it because the hat I was wearing was polar fleece? I felt a heat wave passing
over me. Then I thought: is this the infamous hot flash? Because my menses
has stopped I was expecting some sort of retaliation. I had to ask my male
co-worker whose wife had experienced her menopause. I asked, “Is it hot
in here? Feel my cheek. Am I sick or is this a hot flash?” He confirmed
my worst fear: yes, it appeared to be a hot flash because no sooner than I
asked it was leaving my body quickly like a wash of spring rain. And there
you have it—the menopause has begun. The
chemo has shut down my cycle and the inevitable has commenced. There is a certain
amount of excitement to this news: education will begin on how to deal with
this twist of fate. Osteoporosis. Calcium supplements. My new life. Like a
broken record I say to myself, I’m so young to have this betrayal, but
this time I do not cry because this deception was expected. It did not come
out of nowhere. I cannot lie. I have to be honest. I look into my hands and
know that aiding the enemy is the least of my concerns.