I
do not consider myself a vegetarian. There are all levels of “vegan”
eating, but I do eat fish on a daily basis so I don’t consider myself
a true vegetarian. So when news arrived on Thursday my white blood cell level
count was low, it made me sad. I knew the meds I had been taking daily were
there to protect my cellular blood levels and speed the process of production
within my bone marrow, but knowing I had to continue taking them, a shot nightly,
got me down. I was hoping for a week’s break of being pricked. After
talking to a friend who had to go through a whole year of chemo, I learned
I could help bolster my marrow production by including red meat, and especially
marrow from an animal or their organs. I have never eaten an organ before
and nor will I, but I will eat red meat if that means I might go without the
nightly ritual of being picked with a needle. At this moment I am very susceptible
to humans and their diseases, tiring easily in general, and need for more
rest. And my spoiled self wants to go all day, I want to be somehow normal.
My mood depends on that thought. And not only that, but I want to live in
denial that my good health coming into this was going to play a better role.
I guess it has nothing to do with my health and how well my white cells reproduce
and protect prior to chemo. It’s rather the here and now. That is what
makes me wonder how the dice can be thrown, out of control. One day it’s
sunny numbers UP, and the next dreary DOWN. And you never know from week to
week what end those numbers will turn up. It’s like a crapshoot, worse
than Vegas. At least in Vegas you can bet on the odds.
